Background Story: Is That Two Lines or One?

It was the last weekend in January. Jay had gone to Dallas for the weekend and I was wondering when the hell I was going to get my period. I had never kept tract of when it was supposed to come and go, I more or less relied on my body feeling like it was going to start. Well I hadn't gotten any messages from my ovaries in awhile and I asked Jay what he thought. He wasn't sure either but told me not to worry, I wasn't drastically late. My friend Janice suggested that it was stress from opening my new business. But that wasn't stressful- that was fun!

I don't eat the healthiest when Jay's not around. I went to Mr. Gatti's Pizza and ordered a medium pepperoni for lunch. While they were cooking that up I went around the corner to Duckwall's. If you have never been to Duckwall's it's kind of like a Walgreens and a Dollar Store and a Lowes. Something new and unexpected around every corner. I had about 20 minutes before the pizza was going to be done so I walked up and down every single aisle. I found myself staring at the pregnancy tests. One said "Results up to 6 days before your missed period". Well, hot damn! I don't know how many more days before my period is supposed to be here but surely I'm not a week off. This little piece of plastic should put my mind at ease in no time.

I went home with my pizza and my pregnancy test. I casually ate a few pieces while staring at the box in the bag. I took out the box and re-read what I had read in the store. Ate a few more pieces of pizza. I opened it up and read the instructions inside. "This is ridiculous." I thought to myself. "You're going to take this test, find out it's negative, and get your period tomorrow. Way to waste $12." Ok might as well go ahead and use the damn thing. Go ahead and find out it's negative.

I re-read the directions. You have to hold it in your pee for X number of seconds or you can pee in a cup and stick it in the cup for X number of seconds. Lovely. I was sitting there eating lunch trying to decide if I had to pee or not. I felt like a kid who was just potty trained trying to listen to their body. Well I should have listened longer because I infact did not have to pee. What little pee I had may or may not have hit where it was supposed to on the test and it was definitely not for X number of seconds.

I wait a few minutes for the results to appear. One line = not prenant, two lines = knocked up. Obviously I messed it up because there were one and a half lines. The half line being the not pregnant line. Good thing it was a 2-pack. I can take the other one after I drink some water and then I'll really have to pee and it will yield the correct results. No worries. But man that pregnant line is strong. And it says if the results are negative it will fade in 5 minutes, if they are positive it will last for 24-48 hours. But what if it already looks faded? I texted my best friend Janice for help.

Her exact response "Please don't tell me you're one of those stupid ass chicks who can't read a pregnancy test". Afraid I am. She asks to see a picture of the screen. Never in my life has it been so hard to take a picture with my cell phone. I call her before the pic goes through. All of a sudden I'm freaking out. Has it been 5 minutes? That first botched test is still there. She tells me to calm down and take the other test the next morning and reminds me not to tell Jay on the phone when he's 4 hours away. I spend the rest of the night staring at that still-not-fading test. Jay's not due home until Sunday night maybe Monday morning. I call and ask him to come home now and he gets worried something is wrong. I don't want to tell him on the phone so I just say I have a surprise for him and I want to give it to him ASAP. I also keep our conversations to a minimum so I don't "ruin the surprise".

The next morning I take the second test. I glance at the first test which still has not faded at all. Almost immediately two lines appear. I text Janice. She's excited and reminds me what a positive pregnancy test means- it means we're going to have a baby! I was still looking at this thing to tell me when I was going to get my period. It had completely escaped me that babies were a part of the equation until she said "Awww, you're going to have a baby!"

Well now Jay's coming home and I have to figure out a way to tell him. I make a gift box out of cardstock and jerry-rig it to spring open when he cuts the ribbons and bows off of it. I put the positive pregnancy test inside with a note that says "You're going to be a Daddy!". On the outside, just to warn him, I put a note that says "I love you always and forever". Jay pulls up and I waste no time. I rush him in and shove the box in his face. He cuts the ribbon and it springs open. He looks at it a second and says "Oh!" Then he stands up and hugs me as I start bawling. Neither of us saw it coming.

More to come.